Respecting Children’s Freedom to Choose

Growing up in a largely secular public school, I have encountered many peers who were not religious.  In one instance, I conversed with an atheist friend who told me that he was an atheist because he found no reason for believing in an afterlife or practicing religious traditions.  What strikes me from this conversation is not his reasoning, but his sentiment towards atheism due to his mother’s words: when he told his religious mother that he was an atheist, his mother told him that, as a Catholic, she “failed him.”

In another instance, I encountered a peer who is conflicted with her immigrant parents enforcing this idea of marriage at a young age because, in various cultures around the world, it is common practice for the youth to marry at relatively young ages, or even to be forced into an arranged marriage.  The enforcement of this idea by her parents, I have found, only further discouraged her from getting married altogether.

From these two scenarios, it could be said that the source of my peers’ bitterness towards their situation does not result from their choice, but rather by their apparent lack of it.

In mentioning these scenarios, I do not mean to undermine the importance of educating one’s children, especially in religious matters.  In fact, it is a parent’s duty to educate their children about the traditions that regard their family history, and the religious way of life that the parents have chosen that undoubtedly impacts the way the child was fostered.  This is especially true for Catholics, as the Church states in section 48 of Gaudium Et Spes, “graced with the dignity and office of fatherhood and motherhood, parents will energetically acquit themselves of a duty which devolves primarily on them, namely education and especially religious education.”  Such a task will eventually lead to a greater understanding of the “Christian family” and its ability to “manifest to all men Christ’s living presence in the world, and the genuine nature of the Church” (GS, Section 48).

However, in educating their children, the Church warns parents, in matters of religious education, that they “should consult the interests of the family group, of temporal society, and of the Church herself”  (Gaudium Et Spes, Section 50).  It is part of the Church’s teachings to enforce the idea of religious freedom, as “only in freedom can man direct himself toward goodness” (Gaudium Et Spes, Section 17) and, as such, it would only be proper for parents, in educating their children about their religion, to respect the child’s freedom to choose to follow the religion or not.

With regards to my peer’s situation with religious choice, it is also stated by the Church that “Since man’s freedom is damaged by sin, only by the aid of God’s grace can he bring such a relationship with God into full flower” (Gaudium Et Spes, Section 17), so parents in similar situations can find solace and hope in the ability of God’s grace to cultivate their relationship with their children.  Such was the case for Saint Monica, and her son Saint Augustine.

As for the situation with forced marriages, the Church asserts that “no pressure, direct or indirect, should be put on the young to make them enter marriage or to choose a partner” (Gaudium Et Spes, Section 52).  But in general, parents should accept the possibility that their children may live by a culture of their own.  This may not always be the case, but nonetheless, parents should be open to it as culture, whether it be in dialogue with the Church, with communities, or even with individuals, will inevitably develop over time.

Ultimately, only in respecting their children’s freedom of choice can parents truly embrace a family that lives in a world riddled with the signs of the times.

By: Marshall D. Mendoza